Essentially, plans are just an assortment of lines arranged to tell the story of a project. Homeowners don’t really care about how long we had to study to learn how to create their plans. Their priority is to achieve their goals from the lines we’ve arranged on the page.
But what about the invisible lines we draw in our businesses – the lines that we draw that impact us and everyone whose lives we touch? These are the lines that separate and protect “us” from “them,” saying no to people who are trying to change our established boundaries.
No is difficult for many of us, women especially. Women are trained from childhood to be people pleasers. We’ve learned to say yes to everyone about everything. But, when working as an employee or an entrepreneur with a defined career path, we learn that it’s detrimental to our mental and physical health to say yes to every request. Drawing the line and saying no is a challenge, though, to certain types of people or situations.
“When situations arise, we need to review our priorities and ask ourselves: Are people overstepping our boundaries?”
ESTABLISHING BOUNDARIES
Here’s what happened when I forgot my boundaries.
After the severe slowdown during the pandemic, finally getting the calls I’d wanted for over four years was energizing. I was joyful, like a kid in a candy store with a $100 bill. But, I had to start saying no after saying yes to too many prospective clients. Working long hours and helping several clients was a wish come true, that is until the first clients made major changes to the scope of their project.
When we don’t establish boundaries and maintain them, clients and contractors cannot see the invisible lines we’ve created. They get upset when we don’t meet their expectations, unless we’ve defined our boundaries in writing and issued verbal reminders. When they’re angry, we become fearful that we’ll lose our clients and reputation.
I was fortunate that everyone gave me time to deal with the problem when I explained the situation and took responsibility. They got daily updates in short emails. Most of them expressed appreciation for keeping them informed.
Every experience is an opportunity for learning.
The situation was a reminder to establish priorities. At any given time, we can have only one #1 priority. How many projects can we work on at the same time? Of course, it depends on the size of each project and the homeowners’ expectations. What type of job is too large or too small? We need to establish written boundaries around these priorities – and refer to them whenever a prospective client contacts us.
How much work is too much? I work with four clients simultaneously and stagger the design process so that each project is at a different stage and I have the time to give all my clients superior service. I can have a large whole-house remodel or four smaller jobs of individual bathrooms and kitchens.
PLANNING FOR SETBACKS
The lesson here is to plan for setbacks. Years ago, I saw a Dennis the Menace cartoon that has stayed in my mind. Dennis’ mother is sitting in a comfortable chair in the living room, reading a book. Dennis runs into the living room and yells, “Quick, where’s the lid to the popcorn popper?” Planning ahead for inevitable emergencies helps us cope with them when they happen.
I made the mistake of signing two larger and two smaller jobs too close together, and justified it by saying it was equal to four projects. But it wasn’t. Everything was going smoothly, and I stayed on top of all requirements. I’d almost finished plans for the first project when my clients expanded the scope of our venture. Their contractor needed the plans to prepare his estimate. My tasks became an emergency and the #1 Priority. Staggering wouldn’t work. Other projects had to fall in line.
It resulted in two weeks of long, stressful hours. While I’m not complaining, if I’d been honest with myself and my clients, I would have asked the prospective clients to wait about a month. But, I was eager to work with them and was afraid they’d find another designer. This is the aspect of designing that I’m not particularly fond of – the feeling of uncertainty about the future and my income. It requires blind faith that everything will work out okay. The truth is that it will, if we take responsibility for our priorities.
We cannot plan for every possible setback, but we can pad the time we’ve allowed for each project. I personally have started allowing two to six weeks longer to complete the design process than I had previously. I tried this with prospective clients several weeks ago, and it worked! Not only that, but I finished the revised plans and contacted the new clients to let them know I was available. They sent an immediate reply requesting a meeting to move forward with their project!
WHEN TO SAY NO
I’m slowly working my way out of the hole that I dug by taking on too many clients. I know that everything will work out if I remember to maintain boundaries. Experience is a great teacher when we listen and remember recommendations. I’m learning to establish boundaries with family, friends, neighbors and referrals. If I say yes to everyone, I overextend myself. Then I resent their demands and get angry at myself for being so naive. Saying no is difficult.
We need to look at our business priorities and our calendars when people ask for our help. It’s challenging to say no, especially when we’re between projects without a reliable income. I’ve learned that unbillable time multiplies if people don’t understand that it’s a business relationship. We must keep all aspects of our relationships separate. This means no chatting about non-business matters during meetings. And no special favors.
We want to be helpful, but not at our personal expense. A friend recently asked me to help her when her new water heater became unreliable. I spent over two hours online checking reviews and getting technical information. Could I invoice her for this time? Yes. Am I going to send her an invoice? Probably not. Her friendship means more than money in the bank. But I need to remind her that I cannot be available whenever she wants me.
When situations arise, we need to review our priorities and ask ourselves: Are people overstepping our boundaries? Have we informed them about our priorities? Do we have to revise our practice? The sooner we are proactive, the better we’ll feel long term. ▪
Diane Plesset, CMKBD, CAPS, NCIDQ is the principal of D.P. Design in Oregon City, OR and has over 35 years of experience as a kitchen and bath designer. She is the author of the award-winning book, THE Survival Guide: Home Remodeling, and is the recipient of numerous design awards. Named a 2019 KBDN Innovator, Plesset has taught Western design to students of the Machida Academy in Japan and has a podcast, “Today’s Home.”